It is Time

There are no words to describe this pain.
Our journey together must end for awhile.
And I must uphold our sacred trust.

The promise I made the day you claimed me.
That if your time came
I would put aside my selfish need of you.
To do what is best for you.
To walk the rest of the way, without you.

Oh how could one so small,
Have such a large impact on my life?
You taught me to purr when something feels good.
You showed me how to live in the moment
And to play with boundless joy.
But mostly you taught me that unconditionally love
can be openly and honestly returned.

And so, my little one, I send you to the Next,
With my deepest gratitude and total love.
Thank you for letting me love you.
Being yours has been an extraordinary gift.

I Love you sweet girl!
Mommy


I will fulfill my promise to Squashies at noon today.

Update: at 12:32pm Squashies left this world for the next big adventure. God's Speed my little one.

Squashies Update

We had to take Squashies to the Emergency Clinic on Saturday.  After several hours they diagnosed fever and of course, anemia.  Her fever was 104.7f and her PCV was down to 16.

We are not sure if it's an infection or a result of the steroid withdraw, so we put her back on the prednisolone and started her on a broad-spectrum antibiotic.  The results have been good.  But we know that the long-term prognosis is not good if we can't find another Type B donor.  The donation is complicated because after 2 random donors, her blood will now require cross-matching.  So our small pool of Type B donors, is further decreased by the right antigen configuration.

We are still hoping that the interferon will go into high gear, and kill enough of the virus to have her bone marrow start producing her own cells.   But time is not on our side.

I spent the weekend with her, curled up on the bed. We snuggled, I sang some of her songs. I cried. I told her stories to remind her of all the good times and adventures that we've had together.  From the first moment she burst from her little cage at the rescue and stood on her tiny back legs to rub her cheek on my pants, claiming me as her's.  The changes in her relationship with TK as he went from a sickly kitty that she took care of, to a boisterous, insulin stable mancat.  The amazingly inventive games that she play by herself with her surrogate kittens, the "floofs".  All the days sleeping on my desk as I work and the nights we slept together, her making sure we were always touching. The great van adventures. How she always guards the door while I'm taking a shower, and our girl-times. To her ever vigilant snoopervising.

She's never asked us for anything, but to love her, and she gives her love back with her head-butts and a purr that sounds like a freight train.  She is such a integral part of my day, I can't imagine my life without her.

I pray that I can make the best decision for her.

Thoughtful Thursday

Dee here.
I wanted to let all our furends know that we are doing well.  Our regular Vet has put Squashies on Interferon, and we are in process of weaning her from the steroids.  We have placed a literbox and water stations on all three floors of the house, so she doesn't have to do the stairs if she finds her energy waning.

The last week has been a good one for Squashies. She is alert, eating well, playing with her toys and gracefully jumping up on the high cabinet for her afternoon naps. Still, we aren't squandering our time together- every moment is precious.

Even though these are smartphone pics, with no attempt at creating appealing composition or lighting- I wanted to share them.

Squashies by the day-bed in my office.

TK and Squashies in the tree.

TK has been very attentive to his little sisfur.

"You may kiss my hand!"

"Is it lunch time yet?"

The young Master Pip-Squeak is fitting in nicely. He is a "get-along" kind of fellow and switches easily from rough-housing with TK and purring quietly near Squashies.

Pip (who isn't allowed outside,) sits next to TK while Squashies has some deck time.

He is also a little snuggle-bug. He follows me around the house and, whenever possible, he tries to put as much of his body against me as possible. I'm not sure if he feels safe near me, or if he is showing gratitude.  Either way, I love his exuberant affection.

I really want to thank all of our CB furends, you have been so gracious with your cards, emails, FB posts and Tweets.  Your thoughtfulness and support are a blessing.

We are furry sad

I have some sad news regarding Squashies.

The specialist that did Squashies' bone marrow on Tuesday, called this afternoon.  The results of the aspiration were not good.  Although the FeLV and FIV tests have been negative 3 times in the last month, FeLV was found in her bone marrow.  The doctor said that it is most likely that Squashies fought off the virus when she was a kitten, which she got either before she was born or from her mother's milk.  He believes that her age and/or some other influence triggered it to active.  He also mentioned that it could be a sub-group that is caused by recombination of DNA cell structure. (It was a very technical conversation.)

We tested her blood again today, she still tests negative for the virus, so It is not outside of the marrow. Everyone agreed that she is not contagious, which is some relief given that she and the boys are quite close.

The dilemma I now face is heart-breaking.  The only ill effect the virus is having to-date is the lack of red blood cell development.  She does very well for about 3 weeks after blood transfusions.  But she has a rare blood type for which there is a finite amount in the US.   If we keep taking it, will some other little kitty, with a better prognosis, suffer?

I love my little girl...

Femme Friday- Purrs Please

I am not feeling so good.  Mommy took me to the V.E.T. and I have a fever of 103.7. So they did some blood tests, and my red blood cells are too few, but my reticulocytes (baby red blood cells,) are too many.  I'm very tired...

Oh! Sorry, I must have dozed off.

They did some X-Rays.They said everything is where it is supposed to be. The V.E.T. gave me some fluids and lots of shots, and now I have to take something to make me eat, and some antibiotics at home. I don't like pills... I am so very sleepy...

Oops.

I have to go see a specialist on Monday, he's going to stick a needle in my bones, and take sound pictures of my belly. I don't think that will feel so good either....
 
Uh-Oh. I did it again.

I can't go up the stairs, I get tired after about 2 steps. Mommy carries me when I must go up... That's where my sleepy drum is, and TK and Pip are NOT!  She stays with me, brings me food and water, and carries me back down when I am ready...

I'm going to rest now... could you send some purrs for my mommy, please; she looks very worried?

Hello World!

Me is sorry me not posts lately. We is all doing gud. But mine mommy is furry not-so-gud at helping us blog.  Me shows picshurs of us.

Dis me, enjoying the cools while is hot out.

Dis Squashies, also in the cools.

Dis Toby, him still a little bit ascared to come in the cools.

Hasa great day!

Femme Friday

 

Auntie Judi hat!

Squashies and I went to see the V.E.T. yesterday evening.  This visit was so different from the last.  Last week she was so sick, she just let them do what they needed to do.  This time, she had the strength to bring her feral side.  Our tiny Squashies does not like to be handled. For a little kitty, she is strong, and she knows how to use the weapons that God has provided.

It is an interesting perspective between she and TK.  When TK goes to the vets all the tech has to do is roll him on his back and put a hand on his belly, and as long as he can see me, he does what he needs to do.  He doesn't like it, he sings a sad song to show it, but he never fights. Perhaps, because he goes so often, he has learned how futile it is to try to get away.

With Squashies, it is a completely different story.  The techs, (plural,) don leather gloves. The gloves that go up to their shoulders. And as if their presences is the ding of a bell, the purr-pleas for mercy end, and the wrestling match begins.

It breaks my heart to see her struggle.  Wide-eyed with fear, she executes strong, graceful body rolls, accented by screams of defiance. I worry. My being there adds no comfort to her, but I can't walk away for fear that the techs will get frustrated and use excessive force. They never have, but our little girl could try a saint's patience.

So I stay, waiting for the look of betrayal, that never comes.  I feel guilty anyway.

After getting Squashies locked-down, the doctor looked in her ear and declared that the swelling was down.  But, after several attempts to look more closely, it was determined that  Squashies would have to be sedated to see what was going on.

 So she is going in for surgery next Tuesday... I worry about the anesthesia, we believe she is around 14 years old, and it can be hard on the heart.  But there is no choice.

I pray that the surgery goes smoothly.

I pray that her hearing will remain intact.

But mostly, I pray that whatever is in her ear is benign, and she will have many more adventures with us.

EDIT

TK here- Me juss heard that mine furend Artymouse is still not come home from her walkabout. While we is praying, we is praying fur her too!  Come home Artemisia, you are making your mommy cry!

Heartfelt Thank You!

We are so over-whelmed with all the purrs, grrrs and prayers sent from around the world for our little Squashies. We read all of your emails and your comments, and it made our hearts a little lighter, to know so many understand how hard it is when your furbabies are in danger.

On Saturday morning, when I went to take my shower, Squashies didn't come running for our ritual time together.  Thinking she was too sick to come, I was heart-broken.  I had a tearful shower, remembering our last Girl-time together.  She, on the throne, guarding the door while I was behind the curtain, then an incredibly graceful jump to the counter when it was time to get dolled-up.

I took her brushes down to the tree where she was sleeping; we would do Girl-time there.  When I went to brush her, she startled.  I realized she couldn't hear me... at all.


Squashies was deaf.

It was sad to see her so lost and confused.  She and I have always communicated verbally. She understands many sounds, such as the shower, meaning it will soon be "Girl-time" and "I'll be right back," meaning that she should wait for me, the rattle of the Temptations bag... BLISS.  And endless singing... we have a song for every event, and sometimes, such as our rendition of Old MacSquashies, she would join in.

We spent most of the weekend in her favorite place- the deck, where she alternately sunned herself and sat in my lap when she got to warm.  A quiet weekend, all too quiet for Squashies.

Relying on her nose, where her ears fail her

Resting in the box-of-lawn

Tired kitty

Inexplicably, last night, without visual stimulation, she jumped up when I opened the treat bag. The paw-power, and anti-inflammatory drops were doing their job! Our little girl could hear again.

Both she and I,are manic about this change of events.  With each passing moment her confidence grows.  We even had Girl-time this morning, with one small deviation. After several minutes of butt wiggling and doubtful looks at the counter, I lifted her over the cavernous space between toilet and 'catwalk'.  She didn't seem to mind.  Instantly she was "MAC, MAAAACing" away to Old MacSquashies.


 I thank you all again, for giving me this space to sort it all out, and for your understanding, which means the world to me.

Showing her up-side-down heart love for her furends.

dee

Femme Friday

My Femme Friday picture, in honor of Auntie Judi, who is in our hearts and prayers.

Things have been quiet around here. We are enjoying our spring deck time!

Mid-day naps have been taken!

 

Box lawns have been lounged in.

Bellies have been exposed.

Birdies have been watched.

haha- me sneeks on your Femme Friday post!

 We hope you all have a wonderful and safe weekend.
Love, Squashies

Heading out

Hatted By Sammy and Andy's mama!

So we are heading out on our first big solo trip in ourVan.  Hopefully, there will be many pictures to share of our journey!

We are going to Titusville, FL. to see Discovery launch.  Hopefully the shuttle will make her window, so we can see.

The trip will start early tomorrow, and we plan to take 2 days to get there, so we can go at a leisurely pace.  Mommy says she is just going to stop when she doesn't want to drive anymore.

We will post when we gets to our night spot, probably somewhere in North Carolina.

Two Fur Toesday- Comment-a-thon continues!

 Hello Bloggie Furends, Squashies here, napping on a cold winter's day!
We wants to thank all the kitties that commented on our blog-post yesterday. We were very warmed to see all the nice comments we got from all the great kitties in the Bloggiesphere! So mommy wants to gives more to our shelter. So she asks that I tell you that she is extending our comment-a-thon for another day.  So if you are a kitty, and you haven't commented yet, could go over to that post, and leave a comment so we can give lots of green-papers?  See our furends over at Small Miracles is having the same hard times a lot of shelters are having with the weather so cold.  Miss Moira has such a big-heart, she can't turn kitties away. So we want to do all we can to help her.

Thanks again, for your comments, we love to read them!
Love, Squashies

Happy Birthday, Marilynn! And OurVan Update.

Happy Birthday, Marilynn!

So I know I should tell you about all that we've been up to, but to be honest, we've not been up to much.  We eat, we sleep, we cuddle with mommy, and we sleep some more.

TK has been having some very good V-E-T visits.  His weight loss has steadily increased and is now about 2 ounces per month. He has lost 2lbs. since mommy first came to take us to our furrever home.  He weighs 19lbs 6ozs.  Way-to-go, Big brofur!

OurVan waits, poised to begin our adventures!  Mommy is starting to plan our trip. We are going to Titusville, Florida, on the last week of February, to see a Space Shuttle launch. Originally we were going to see Endevour (STS 134), but now we might get to see Discovery's last launch (STS 133).  Mommy says we are staying until a Shuttle takes-off.  I hope we have lots of food. These things are unpor, unpred, it's very hard to know when it will happen.

After we watch the rocket, we are going down to West Palm Beach to visit our Grandma and Pop-pop!  We are very excited for that part of the trip because we've never seen their snow-bird home!  I wonder if we will be allowed to catch the snow-birds. Mommy always says "Squashies, No-No," when I stalk the birds on our deck.

Anyway, that is all the plans for now. We hope every kitty has a great day!
Love, Squashies

Femme Friday

Sammy and Andy's mama makes this hat for me!

Hello Bloggie Furends. It has been a very long time since I've last posted. I'm very sorry about that. We have missed all of you!

So I wanted to fill you in on the goings-on.

We spent the night in ourVan at our Auntie SheShe's house for New Year's Eve.  It was very fun, and we proved that, even though it was very cold outside, we could stay nice and toasty-warm in ourVan.

Our daddy came and slept in ourVan too! It was very neat to have him with us, the whole fambily safe and warm- togefur.



TK does a funny thing when we are in ourVan and it is cold- he sleeps on mommy's head the whole night!  Daddy Laff and Laff the next day because TK was on the whole pillow and mommy only had a tiny sliver to sleep on. Mommy sais she didn't mind because she likes when we are all togefur in a kitty cuddle-puddle. Then, instead of saying "I love you Tiny Kat," like usual, she sais "I love you Tiny Hat" for the whole next Day! We might need to change TK's nickname to TH...,

Anyway, we hopes everyone has a great weekend.

Don't forget that our dear furend Billy SweetFeets is hosting the Carnival of Cats this weekend!
Love, Squashies

Getting ready!

Squashies: TK?

TK: Yeah Squashies?

Squashies: Are you ready?

TK: Readys for what?

Squashies: Our Gotcha party tomorrow!

TK: Oh!? what do I have to do?

Squashies: We'll our kitty furends are coming to see our furever home, and we want them to be comfortable and have fun things to do.

TK: Oh!? what do I have to do?

Squashies: Well you can go through our toy basket and put out fun toys for our furends to play with!

TK: Oh. OK. Where should I put them?

Squashies: You can put them all over, so our furends can play whereever they want to be.

TK: I can put toys in my lawn so all our furends can play there too!

Squashies: That would be nice TK!

...LATER...

TK: Squashies?

Squashies: Yes TK?

TK: When will our furends be here?

Squashies: Tomorrow TK.

TK: How long is that?

Squashies: You have to sleep and wake-up 20 more times.

Femme Friday

Hello Blog Furends, it's me- Squashies with my Femme Friday Post!
I has decided to use the picshur that Sammy and Andy's mommy makes as my permenant Fem-Friday reporter head shot.

Speaking of Sammy and Andy- today is Andy's 10th Birthday- so if you haven't already, swing by and say hi to him.

It has been a hard week on kitties this week, as you probably know Chey and Sniffie both had surgery yesterday. We are purring that they will feel better real soon.



It's a bit rainy here today so I didn't go out on the deck this morning. TK, however was undaunted and ran out to get in his lawn. Silly boy... Eatting grass in the rain.

Other than that- we are looking forward to a quiet weekend. We hope you all have a wonderful time!
Love-Squashies

Wordless Wednesday: Squashies- Unplugged!

Remember: Today is the last day for the US and Canada to

 Vote for Rumblepurr

We Win a Pawsome Prize.

Hello Bloggie Furends, it's me-Squashies to tell you about something great that happened.

Alice and Jane of Casbah Kitten has contests sometimes on Mondays and guess what? A week ago we wins the Cashbah Kitten Los Muertos skull toys!

So on Fridays we gets our first mail evah. It was addressed to us!

At first mommy was going to wait until Monday to open it.  So we could show it for our Tuesday post; but on Saturday, I found the envelop sitting on mommy's desk. It smelled so good I decided to play with it. 

Now keep up kitties, I am going to show you a new dance move. It's called "The Nip Dance".

Steps:

Sniff, Grab, Chew, Roll.

Sniff, Grab, Chew.

Sniff, Grab, Roll.

Purr, Purr, Happy Kitty.

So here I am dancing. Feel free to join in.

Sniff... 

Grab...

Chew...

Roll...

Then mommy opened it for us, and the real fun began!

Sniff...

Grab...

Chew...

Sniff...

Grab...

 Roll...

Purr, Purr, Happy Kitty.

Now- Dancing with TK!

Sniff...

Grab...

Chew...

 Roll...

Sniff... 

Grab...

Chew...

Sniff...

Grab...

Roll...

Purr, Purr, Happy Kitty!

We hope you had fun doing the Nip-Dance.

Thanks again to Alice and Jane and their mommy furr the wonderful gift!

Have a great day Bloggie Furrends.

PeeEss- the Casbah kittens are having another contest. See yesterday's post with Jane. The prize is froggies!